Thursday, March 6, 2008

Nielsen hits me up for a hustle

Slow news day, they must have known. Right on!
So the Nielsen folks called me up to do a survey.
Straight away I asked them if I get mula for my time.
I get $10 for 40 minutes!! That's it! That's all!
I don't think that's my going rate.

But the idiots are sending me the money without having completed the online survey.
(and I just went to the survey and the link doesn't even work! An easy way to make $10, now we're talking my going rate)

I can't wait for the next stage of this saga. I'm getting a huge package of something in the mail....I wonder what bullshay will be in there

Wednesday, March 5, 2008

Nike, Apple team up for iPod-powered fitness program

USA TODAY/Associated Press: Under a new partnership between Nike and Apple, members of select gyms will be able to plug their iPod Nanos into cardio equipment to create and monitor workout programs and send their data to a Nike Web site for analysis. The program is slated to launch this summer in some 500 gyms around the globe, according to this article.


As if Fat people use iPods!

They aren't cool enough.

Ahhh, fat kids - this is 1000 times funnier than it could ever be in English:

Monday, March 3, 2008

Status, status everywhere

People love updating their status. It's a little sub-text bubble attached wherever you go online.

At last count I had my:
Facebook status (on 3 separate accounts)
My MSN Messenger status
My ooVoo status
My Twittering stream
My skype status

And I update all of them differently. I've noticed everyone else does too. You can never have enough subtext. Clearly.

Now I feel like I need a real subtext to match my virtual subtext. Best format to do this would be an updateable T-Shirt:

tshirt

Mine will say something like "Your mother"
Watch this space.

Friday, February 29, 2008

Visual Abuse

If I see this ONE MORE TIME on my Facebook banner I'm going to be sick.

It's not like JackMyers hasn't made me vomit before. Really.

And as if this is believable. Myers with 2 ladies? One is hard enough. I'm also quite disturbed by the image because of its deliberate effort to attract the male audience.

I know someone who gets those JackMyers newsletters. He told me that he didn't even sign up, he just started getting them. I can just imagine some drone combing the internet for any ad email addresses and adding them to the list.

Not only that, but read the caption. JackMyers (as this appears to be your string name), did you not read this article?? Leading people to believe that reading your newsletter will get them access to great parties. Has anyone ever been to any? Tell me the details.
It also seems to be grammatically incorrect. You can't have the 'best networking parties of the year'. Wouldn't it be the best networking party???

....JackMyers has the 'best networking parties'....how funny.
I'll be laughing into the weekend on that one which, concludes the idiot theme of the week.

Thursday, February 28, 2008

Look! Look what happens if you do what the ad says



Apparently if you take Gardasil you can:
  • Play a sic drum sequence
  • Have excellent soccer skills
  • You can get a mobile camera phone and take pictures on highways
  • You will be able to dance
  • You can use scissors
  • You can use a skipping rope without hurting yourself
From this ad:
  • You can ride a horse
  • Make a t-shirt saying "One Less" that jumps from your monitor to your hands
  • Play baseball
  • Run fast in a marathon
  • Quilt (who the fuck wants to quilt?!)
  • Be a dumb flag waver...

I want an inquest for this! Jarvik- get on the case!!!!
I've had my vaccine, I can't do any of this shit! I've always wanted to wave a flag around like an idiot who has a double chin.

When can I be One Less?!

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Continuing the idiot theme of the week

I think I have stumbled upon the worst ad in the world, although these days it just makes me laugh hysterically- like the time I saw one of the penguins in A Muppet Christmas Carol wearing an Alice Band in the end scene and had to rewind to laugh at it again and again. The ad is:
Hill Shire Farm: Go Meat.
With no views on their website, it's a fucking doozie.

If the embed doesn't work, click here. And watch it...



Each shot is one disaster after another from the old black lady trying to proposition the chief and the other black dude getting that weird psychopathic look in his eye, over the meat. Let's also not forget the little asian convict!


I've been pondering the old chestnut - "Is it good because it's so bad or is it just so bad?"
In this case it is just a fucking embarrassment. Not only are Hill Shire Farms paying an ad agency, the agency created it and some tool signed off on it! To add more insult to this massive injury there are a whole collection of them!

If I was an actor offered a role in this ad I would have said a resounding no. Lucky some of the guys in the ad are wearing disguises because if I was one of their friends I would be ripping them to shreds. Every day. I would even call them randomly and ask them "WHAT WERE YOU THINKING??!"

And look what they are encouraging the kids of today to do. This is wrong. This should not be encouraged. This is the type of stuff that gives people nightmares. So if you are a little sensitive, I recommend not watching this.


This is where inquests should happen. One bad performance creating another bad performance. I'm seriously worried about the other travesties these girls could get themselves into. Teen pregnancy is basically the least of their worries.

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Pfizer Yanks Lipitor Ad

AdAge: Under Congressional Pressure, Drug Maker Says Jarvik Spot Was Misleading. Pfizer said it will pull its Lipitor ad featuring Dr. Robert Jarvik, and promised to do a better job of clearly presenting spokespeople in future advertising.

What total bollocks
An ad misleading....No??! How is that possible?
I've already commented about this crap here and here.
I was actually thinking about it the other day because I saw some dumb ad that was obviously misleading. How unsurprising that I cannot remember what it was. It could have been that lipstick that lasts all day, but really doesn't.
The point is, all ads dramatise benefits and utilise tactics to make people want to buy it. And if Lipitor works, what's the big deal anyway? It still works. As if some old fart is going to take Lipitor and then go out and row a boat.

There seems to be a theme lately:
- Idiots having opinions.
- Other idiots respecting those opinions
- All the idiots dancing together in their non-sensical, la-la-land paradigm sunset.

I hope to god that these people don't have children. This is when licences should be handed out to those who wish to bear the fruits of their loins.

Referred to idiots dancing in la-la-land paradigm sunset

Thursday, February 21, 2008

Outraged By "Dexter," PTC Wants Ad Boycott

Mediaweek: The Parents Television Council is calling for yet another advertising boycott -- this one aimed at companies that buy time in the CBS drama "Dexter." The show, imported from cable net Showtime, is being attacked for violent content and the PTC is also calling on CBS affiliates to preempt it. The main character works as a police blood-spatter expert who fulfills his murderous desires by doing in criminals. CBS has edited the show, but apparently not enough for the scolds at the PTC.

Here's a novel idea PTC, how about you just DON'T watch it!
Another case of social retardation.

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

I am well excited

Tomorrow is my debut for Coffee with Crayon in Second Life.

Come over at 9am and see my totally unhot and boring avatar because I have NO linden dollars.
Link
Get your freak on!

Interactive ads shouldn't make false promises

AdAge: Although interactive ads generally yield greater consumer interest, the quality of the interactive pitch and choice of platform are keys to their overall success, according to a study commissioned by British digital shop Weapon 7. "One of the surprises of our study was that encouraging consumers to interact under false pretense, such as drawing them in with promotions they won't necessarily get, or if they feel tricked, can have an equally negative impact," said Steven Hess, the agency's managing partner.

There is a genius at the helm!
"One of the surprises of our study was that encouraging consumers to interact under false pretense, such as drawing them in with promotions they won't necessarily get, or if they feel tricked, can have an equally negative impact," Mr. Hess said. "It breaks the 'contract' you've established and damages your return on interest. Qualitatively, the reactions were quite strong to this breach of trust."

And I wonder how much that study cost?!
Clearly a logical person wanted to assess whether people enjoy being tricked and drawn into useless promotions would have an impact that is SURPRISING!!
What bollocks.
And then journalists (if you can call them that) write the article like this is new news!
What happens to all these people who work in advertising? They've either left all their common sense at the door or they're social retards. I prefer the term social retard, it's a personal favourite. So we'll stick with that!


Please only watch the first 17 seconds, the rest I'm sure, is painful

Consumer's heads and social fashion

Adweek: Marketers want to get inside consumers' heads
Coca-Cola Co. and Virgin Mobile USA are among the top marketers to use neuroscience and biometric research to understand how the human body responds to advertising. Such research reportedly has become cheaper and easier to conduct, due to advances in technology.

Financial Times: Social shopping comes into fashion
Social shopping will gain more traction in the fashion space as consumers increasingly rely on peer suggestions and reviews in making online purchases, according to this article.

Rationality- a great concept and not unfamiliar to those with a bit of common sense
1. Ummm, neuroscience people! Where have you been? We're all kind of leaving TV advertising as dead and boring.
Question: Did you look at the long lasting effects of this advertising as opposed to simply during the time that viewers were watching ads???
I'm sure if you would have kept your little electrodes going you would have found no response AS SOON as the advertising was over for that particular product.

2. I don't even know where to start on the social fashion thing. If you follow trends, great, then this is for you. It's always nice to know that 600 other people are walking down the street in the exact same ensemble as you. It adds to the self-confidence that you're doing something safe in number.
But I don't think this kind of program will eventuate, definitely not for premier high fashion or niche groups. In particular the fashion industry is driven by everyone loving something or hating something (by everyone I mean those select few voices who dictate what everyone should be loving or hating and then the masses following that). And real fashion for real people is driven by a sense of discovery and individualism. Real trend setters don't want to be told where to discover something, they discover and collate on their own. They create their own 'new' ways of doing things- that's why they are trend setters. And trend setters definitely don't publicise and encourage everyone to follow their trend. That happens organically.
This whole thing sounds like a bunch of try hards trying to get their sites off the ground. I.e their sites are called "Oh so you" and "I like totally love it". Not exactly sophistication.

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Sorry for not posting today

Was in Dallas!!!

Slightly amusing and has no correlation to last week's poster shot.

Monday, February 18, 2008

How to make shit cool

I've noticed a trend.
It's not too complicated.
It's about combining retro with anything modern*.
It instantly becomes interesting and desirable.
I've noticed it for a while, but it just continually seems to be popping up.

*excluding anyone 40+ (retro) who says 'cool' (modern). This does not work.

Note the examples:
Retro handset. I have one of these babies. It hangs off my jeans and when I answer the phone it is well fun. Link


Artistic examples
Rubik's cube or Mondrian composition with shoes. I also own these babies.



Recreate a famous painting in modern day, photographic format. Link


Artist makes pixelated stained glass windows. Link


Take 93 year old Grandma to Virgin megastore and make her do stuff.

I also enjoy futuristic movies. The outcome is inevitably something I call, "post modern contemporary". It's never really future. It's just future in spandex with robots and spaceships.
Examples:
Blade Runner
Metropolis
Back to the Futures
The Matrices
And the list can go on....

Friday, February 15, 2008

Old skool thinking

Some introductory set-up content


Kiss Kiss Bang Bang
I sometimes think this is the way traditional marketers view their audience. If I was seen in that light I'd also take that final route!
When we see traditional TV advertising and look at some of the advertising methods that are still used in today's world, it makes you think what the hell are marketers doing? Better yet, what are sales people thinking? Why are reps even providing such rubbish for marketers to buy? Yes, they want to make budget, but shouldn't they answer the consumer's need, not the media buyer's? If more consumers are interested, traffic will increase and naturally brands/products/marketers will come flocking.
It just makes me wonder how people (sellers) view other people (buyers) when we're all just people! Shouldn't there be some respect? You could even forget respect, just remember it is the consumer who has the $.

And it all comes down to....BENEFIT


In the diagram there is our little person/consumer. He is into consumerism, he likes having things. He likes to buy products which allow his individual life to function. This is the product element of the cycle. An individual buys in to a product, and this is where actual money changes hands.
However, people today expect more from a product than simply the product they’ve bought into. They expect utility. This is that added service, engagement, interaction which does not depend on money changing hands. The most important part of the utility is that the consumer gets an added value and a benefit from this interaction, regardless of whether they’ve already bought into the product or they’re a prospective customer.
The important part of the Utility component from an Advertiser’s perspective is this now forms part of their ad budget. New media and new marketing means reaching out to consumers in ways that really do mean one-to-one and really create an impact on a person. Furthermore, the custodians of a product (the staff) should be able to interact with people who actually buy into that product.
Messages and messaging just don’t cut it anymore. Advertising needs to be about creating experiences and increasing value in people's lives.

And I'm not talking airy fairy stuff. I don't buy that brand fluff. I'm talking actual user experiences where either a tangible or 'feel good' value is the takeaway from the experience.

So a product purchase may initiate utility usage and involvement. Or utility involvement may initiate purchase. Where that utility is placed in the world is extremely important. The real/virtual world combinations of media as drivers to or from each other ensure marketers reach eyeballs in the right places. And that's where those little arms in the cycle work. That's how you drive audience.

Driving audience, the next piece of the puzzle. That’s where the struggle is. Getting through the fragmentation and finding audience to impact usage and create sales.

BUT, If you want that part, you're going to have to pay me!

Thursday, February 14, 2008

10 Things Every Parent Should Know About Facebook

Sara Peyton, O'Reilly FYI: A top ten list every parent of tweens and teens should check out. E. A. (Emily) Vander Veer, author of “Facebook The Missing Manual” compiled this list to help parents understand the Facebook phenomenon and learn how to keep their children safe.

Give me strength
This is as bad as 20/20 or my Australian counterparts (Today Tonight and ACA) which are actually worse for their 5 nights-a-week barrage! It's always a good idea to give neurotic parents further reason to worry.

"...nearly a third of online teens reported that on at least one occasion, someone had asked them sexual questions that made them feel uncomfortable."
Of course they've been asked! They're kids! If it doesn't happen online, it happens even more offline. I can't even number the amount of times those annoying high school boys or embarrassed girls tried to get any juice out of anyone during high school.

"Not only do they aggregate standard personal information...but also the kind of quirky stuff- she likes Green Day..."
Green Day!!! No wonder your kid has friends they've never met. If they listen to Green Day I'm not surprised that they can't make real friends.

"if your kid blocks your attempt to befriend her or shows you a limited profile, you can ask one of your kid’s teachers or friends to access your kid’s profile"
Leave your child alone! Don't invade their privacy. That's a great way to damage a relationship. If you're a parent who has given your child enough sense to interact in this world, then they should have enough know-how on how to behave. If not, they'll learn. There is no other school like the School of Hard Knocks!

When all else fails follow this example. Here's a kid who has had good training in life. Corey, the party liaison. He knows how to handle an over enthusiastic and 'quality' journalist.

It's Valentines Day

Well, Valentines Day is a complete wank. Such a waste of time and it makes people depressed. It is a marketing creation that should be destroyed.

However, I will shed my Valentines Day love on Project Runway. That show combined with Top Chef could keep me happy for a very long time.

Why are they so good?
The short time frames, the limited but wide open briefs, keep the creativity and the entertainment fresh.
Quickfires make me feel like I could do it and Heidi Klum's German accent makes me feel I can do that too: you outte!!

I almost feel like there should be an advertising series on Bravo. What would we call it? The Hacks? Might give some hope to people that there are still a couple of pieces of brilliance out there.

So we're at the tail end of Runway. Thank god Ricky, you and your tears are dead. I hated you and your poncy little emotional outbursts.
Rami, stop draping. I've had enough. If you can't listen to the judges encouragement to step out of your box you deserve to go back to Jerusalem (where you started designing at the age of 5 to escape from the political turmoil- yes we've heard it all before). And Christian, you are my fucking hero!

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

For Georgie

It's a slow day news wise, so why not.

Consider this your Valentines Day gift.
And yes, those breasts are real.

George's blog

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Gen Y Unravels Global Branding Efforts, But Apple, Nike Triumph

Sarah Mahoney, Media Post: Consumers around the world are less inclined to believe any 'Made in ____' label. "Chrysler might be an American brand, but it's got a German owner, and the car you buy may well have been built in Canada or Mexico," says research firm Iconoculture. But another big issue is that younger consumers, especially Gen Y, increasingly "embrace products because they are unfamiliar, not because they are familiar."


Here we go again!
At least they're giving me something to write about.
I don't get it. What is the point of this research? What difference does it make if a brand is national, international or master of the universe*?
I feel slightly patronised and perturbed by this line:
"
Visa International...consumers really do believe 'It's everywhere you want to be'."

What is that supposed to mean? Gen Y, has fallen for it? They've taken your little branding trick and internalised it so it's real??
That's not the point of Gen Y. Gen Y gets it. They understand what you're trying to do as an advertiser. BUT - and a big but- if your brand comes across as genuine and not trying too hard to impress, then we respond.
Just like anyone trying to play that flirtatious game of flirting. If you come on too strong, they'll run a mile. If you keep it real, you'll most probably see the fruits of your labour.


2 other points of note:
  1. Cars- everyone talks cars by country, it's just the way it's always been.
  2. Australia- since we're on the topic of nationality, what the hell is the US obsession with my country? I just want to say that there is no special Australian shampoo, chocolate or shrimp on barbies. I walked past a store the other day that said if you see this symbol, it's made in Australia. Why do you even care?? Is it because we don't use any of the crazy chemicals and hormones that the US uses?
    Plus the word is pronounced "Ozzie" not "Au-SEE".

*I am a tad intrigued and amused by the American tendency to announce "We are the X's of the world" for example Football champions, when you're the only country that plays American football.


Note- the accent in this ad is totally fake. Only bogans talk remotely like that.

Monday, February 11, 2008

Ad shops must be built around communities

Adweek: Advertising agencies should restructure their services to become more "connected" to their clients' target audiences, by focusing on engagement and having consumers opt in to marketing, according to a new study by Forrester Research. "I don't think agencies are going away," said Peter Kim, a Forrester Research analyst and co-author of the report. "They're going to be the ones that help marketers to communities of mutual interest."

Hold on to that gag reflex, here it comes...
As I read the little blurb and clicked on the link, I anticipated the delight of reading absolute bullshit.
Fantastic.

My instinct again proved right.

No.1: Being a marketer means that you can adapt to the different audiences. You learn to understand the audience and their different motivations. We use our understanding to devise a plan that will speak to the chosen audience in the right way.
That's why I love marketing- new challenges every day, understanding different people, knowing what buttons to press to have the desired effect. It's exciting to understand a different type of people, it's interesting to learn more about people (key word here - people, not consumer/target/etc).
Choosing individuals who represent each audience to actually perform the marketing work is boring, most of all lazy and just too limited. Simply, it's inefficient.
Think about how many permutations of various communities are out there???? What Forrester is posturing is preposterous.

No.2: This is simply code for "We're out of touch with our consumer" and you know what? Making up stories and not owning up to the truth is only going to make things worse. Own up to the problem that most marketers are completely out of sync with the rest of the world, take some responsibility and then, just maybe, things might start to get a little better.

Who comes up with these theories??????? You dinosaurs are all part of the same make up, Baby Boomer with a bit of Gen X thrown in for good measure. You guys have the blame game written all over you.

Will Ferrell shills in character for suds and antiperspirant

The Hollywood Reporter: Both Old Spice and Bud Light are rolling out TV spots, featuring comedic actor Will Ferrell in character as Jackie Moon from his upcoming New Line Cinema release, "Semi-Pro." Ferrell's appearance is part of a small but growing trend of top stars appearing in commercials for a film's marketing partners, according to this article.

Hmm, I have a feeling that some point missing is going on
The point is not that Will Ferrell is a celebrity endorsing a product. The point is that the movie gets further advertising out there by using the movie characters to endorse product.
It's weird because they clearly mention that in the article. Whoever summarised it (thank you AAF Smartbrief clearly missed that one)
The extension is great and I'm sure the ad will go great guns on the internet space that's around out there. I mean we all know about that great decline in Males 18-34 who actually watch TV.

Who cares anyway? I'd rather see more of Will Ferrell just pulling shit and hanging out with his mates than some dumb promo for a movie.

Friday, February 8, 2008

My introduction to the Decapitator

This is interesting. This guy the Decapitator, takes ads and re jigs the content to be decapitated. Funny. (Via Wooster Collective)

I've never seen this guy's stuff before, but I like it.
I can't tell if it's because:
  • I'm excited that people get involved in advertising and deface it in a way which makes it so much more exciting. It's like "Where's Wally" trying to find all the the ads that have been defaced.
  • Or, if the notion that it's intellectual graffiti? So witty yet making some kind of point at the same time.
It's like Banksy and I love Banksy (why isn't he going to be on My ooVoo Day??).

Where the Decapitator should be taking further action
This whole Dr Robert Jarvik thing. What the hell is wrong with him actually rowing? They mention all the conditions from taking Lipitor, they don't mention anything about rowing?? Now some Congressional Committee is involved. What a waste of time and money. Link

And maybe The Decapitator should make headway in the Battle of Bob Garfield V Steve Hall. They're having quite a showdown on the discussion of crappy ads in the Superbowl.

Thursday, February 7, 2008

Yay for pancakes

And why is stop motion always so entertaining? I want my whole life to be stop motion.



Via Recogedor

Chinese Pandas and a 'pretend' doctor. Oh my!!!

The New York Times: Artificial-heart pioneer faces scrutiny over Lipitor ads
Dr. Robert Jarvik, who played a leading role in inventing the artificial heart, is facing scrutiny from a congressional panel over his appearance in TV spots endorsing Pfizer cholesterol-lowering drug Lipitor. Jarvik, who touts the drug's effectiveness, is not a cardiologist, nor licensed to practice medicine. He also is not an oarsman, though he is portrayed as such in an ad that used a body double for scenes that depict Jarvik as rowing across a lake, according to this article. Jarvik did not comment for this article. Pfizer has stood by the spots' accuracy and themes.

NY Times: SalesGenie to pull talking panda spot amid viewer complaints
SalesGenie.com is pulling a Super Bowl spot featuring animated pandas speaking with Chinese accents after receiving complaints from offended viewers. Vinod Gupta, chairman-CEO of SalesGenie.com parent InfoUSA, apologized for the spot, but said the company would not withdraw a second animated Super Bowl ad showing a salesman with an Indian or South Asian accent; the latter spot has not drawn as many complaints, he said.

Of course, it's only natural people would miss the point
I feel like this is one of those situations where the bad guy is trying to make a diversion to get attention off of something much worse. I don't know what it is, but something barmy is going on
Poor Dr Jarvik, he doesn't really row (and it appeared the rowing was just a technique for a cool graph line), he isn't a licensed practising doctor, but- guess what?? He is using Lipitor and it works!
Great that there is a competitor on the market and people will naturally flock to it in droves if it is cheaper. Goodbye Lipitor. But, no need to go crazy over the good doctor. Poor guy. I do wonder why he doesn't have a license though. I smell scandal.
In the end they re released the ad, but I'm already hearing that Jarvik has other skeletons in the closet.


Stereotypes are funny, that's why they're sterotypes
A panda. Not only that, a talking panda. Since when do Panda's f_cking talk??????
And a stereotype is a stereotype is a stereotype. People use them because they are FUNNY and pretty much harmless. If you get the joke, you know it isn't serious and if you don't get the joke it's just a talking panda.
It reminds me of the characters from Richard Scarry's Busy Busy World. The whole book is full of stereotypes and it's awesome. I think the Chinese rep is a Panda and speaks english with a Chinese accent and who would have guessed, but it's a tiger from India and a sneaky ass Fox from France!
Why don't people focus on the real issues? Like I've become massively addicted to chocolate and people should send and buy me some!

Wednesday, February 6, 2008

Now a word from our sponsors

ooVoo is pretty hot shite. You can do video conferencing with up to 6 peeps.
And let's also take a small pause to acknowledge that ooVoo is a client of my agency, crayon. We wouldn't want to be burned for lack of disclosure....

avec edited press pic

I called my mobile from it, I didn't know you could do that. It was free! Awesome. I love the free.
I'm telling the parentals about that one.

More free is that you can participate in "My ooVoo Day".
We've got together 20 bloggers/podcasters that you can chat to through the ooVoo. They've set up times over the next few weeks that you can sign up to.
I've chosen the Steve Hall. I'm an Adrants fan. His style of commentary has probably been an inspiration of my own. I probably shouldn't hope no one else joins, but I do. I want Steve all to myself.

And no, I'm not having an ooVoo session with my boss
Even though I am bamboozled by his fans, autograph signings and people's request for photos (yes, it has happened, I've seen it and was kind of amazed I don't exhibit this kind of behaviour after I saw Hot Chip on the street, couldn't remember Alexis' name and just started barking at them "hot Chip! HOT CHIP!!!" and they didn't even turn around).

Seriously, how many times have you written on someone's blog, feel like you know them but face it, you really don't!
This changes that.
Here's to getting Steve Hall all to myself

And a great new hot chip song. Yummy




The Bloggers

Tuesday, February 5, 2008

Why I haven't blogged about MicroHoo

Because it is boring.
Some stupid big corporation again taking over another corporation. How exciting. Riveting.

Well, it was until this was brought to my attention.
It's a Flickr photo group entitled: "Microsoft, keep your evil grubby hands off of our flickr"


A nice little initiative, I'm definitely a fan.

Monday, February 4, 2008

Superbowl ads are a waste of time

Let's preface with the fact that I'm not a sports hater. In my time I've put in some yards:
I was at pubs in the middle of the night to watch games from the last World Cup.
I love my Swans. I was actually there when Tony Lockett kicked his 1300th goal.
I wreaked havoc as a volunteer at the Sydney Olympics, but that's a story for another time.

But, as I sat last night watching my first superbowl: trying to make sense of the game and trying to wait for these ads that would wow me, I was bored. Completely bored.
Thank god for my stash of relief magazines, my falsetto ad libbing any time Tom Brady came on screen "I'm so pretty, but my arm's tired" AND the last 10 minutes of game time, because otherwise this would really have been unsalvageable. I mean, I couldn't believe the number of times Eli Manning ran with the ball and only to be tackled almost immediately. Manning, from what I understand, you're job is to throw, stick to it!
Plus, some of those players are fat and I don't mean it in a nice way.

The ads: in a nutshell left a stale taste in mouth.
People, it's time someone told you- the Superbowl ad magic is over. I actually thought I couldn't take bathroom breaks because I was waiting for these fantastic bouts of creativity. The ads were so blah that I thought maybe some of them were part of a local buy, they couldn't possibly sell every single ad as a national buy. Today I know I'm wrong.

In the aftermath the realisation sinks in. The invitation for people to watch the ads on mySpace is a joke. Why do people want to watch shitty ads??? At 89,000 friends it's just a whole bunch of losers.
In the end, people only remember 2 or 3 of the ads and that's only because they were so focused during the ad breaks.
My final thought: these were boring old ads but bring on my ticker tape parade bitchez!

Friday, February 1, 2008

Absolutely awesome


Link
The question is why are people using their valuable time to do stuff like this?? The world has gone crazy. People cry blue murder when their time is wasted but, they are willing to do cool shit with apparently no point.
People want to make an impact, they want to be part of things that happen in their environments. They don't want to be cogs that just rotate in the daily grind.

Guesstimate how many people were involved in this, how many participated, how many people will view online and how much it cost. The only fees were probably the filming and editing.

These viral/digital effects will be short-lived, but have big impact. The people there that day will never forget it and those few hundred people will begin the chain to something huge (at posting were at 1,700 views, let's see where it goes).
Marketing can harness these learnings to make fun for people. Marketing owes it to their consumers to finally give something back and get more value than passively viewing any form of an ad.

And my favourite quote "I can't move my car, there's hundreds of people FROZEN everywhere"

Thursday, January 31, 2008

Refusenicks: The anti-Facebook movement

London Times: A new anti-Facebook movement is spreading across the UK. Known as the "Facebook refusenicks," the network of students are founding chapters at universities across Britain. The group's chief complaint is that Facebook compromises user privacy in gathering user data and selling it to advertisers.
Of course, "refusenicks" often find themselves out of the loop when it comes to student events, as most promoters have turned exclusively to Facebook to get the word out about parties, clubs, etc. "I felt like a complete stranger," said one of the group's members after her first week at school. "I had to find out from other students what nights were being held, and still do." Another student, who fancies himself as the nonconformist type, added, "What happened to the good old posters and flyers? Now it's just Facebook this, Facebook that. I'm sick of it, which is why I refuse to create a profile."
The group's main message is that Facebook's decision to open itself to the public and then open its users' data to advertise has alienated members who originally joined the social network for its small, private, student community based structure. Nowadays, Facebook even broadcasts profiles to Google.com.

Just the type of anti social behaviour that I love
Ooh. Facebook does feel creepy these days. I can't blame these kids for being the last bastions of old skool university communication.
They do have a strong point- students who originally joined Facebook were after private structure. Even though most of these students would have graduated by now.

Ultimately I think it's too hard for people to delete profiles when most of their friends are interacting on Facebook. It's got a stranglehold on us now so unless we get Face-bored we're in this for the long haul.

The Times (UK) Spamming Social Media Sites

Waxy.org: Since 2004, The Times retained the established SEO consulting firm Sitelynx to handle their search engine marketing. Working on behalf of The Times, a Sitelynx employee posted thousands of links to community and social news websites, including Mahalo, Del.icio.us, StumbleUpon, Metafilter, Yahoo! Answers, Ma.gnolia, and Netscape's Propeller. His actions were done without any disclosure of his affiliation to Sitelynx or The Times and were, in some cases, posted under the assumed identity of his wife.

The accounts were all created by Piotr "Peter" Wyspianski, an SEO Manager at Sitelynx since June 2007. (Though his LinkedIn resume says "Executive.")

Before coming to Sitelynx, Piotr had a history of promoting his own business, an online jewelry store called Signature Gems, by using his profiles on sites like Myspace, Flickr, and Yahoo 360 to manipulate his search engine rankings. After coming to Sitelynx, he continued to use this technique to promote The Times.

Some nice tactics
If anything, this teaches you it's a lot of hard work to get your stuff out there. But if you commit to spreading the message, chances are it will pay off.
The article has a list of most of the sites Piotr used to promote his jewellery and The Times. You should check out what he did.

I actually have a rogue Facebook account. It started off as a laugh, but became an experiment on how an idea can spread through the net. I have a lot of friends I don't know and it's weird watching their lives unfold down my mini feed.
I don't do any real work on it and it's growing of its own accord. Except I have done some mini promotional activities. I sometimes tag myself in photos and join groups which relate to my character. And there are tonnes of other rogue profiles for various inanimate objects and characters. I like how we all seem to find each other. And I can't tell you who I am, because then you will know it's me!

It is amazing how the merging of the net and people's behaviours have allowed this 'play' to happen. And people like it. I always interact with people when they chat to me and it always is a lot of fun. They lap up the ability to participate with something interesting. It's a good lesson for brands too. People do want to interact, and that involves participation, conversation and some fun in between!

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Yahoo's Yang Sees a Challenging 2008

...Some article about Yahoo and challenges. Whatever.

Yang's Chompers!!!
Those are the biggest effing teeth I have ever seen!!!!

U2 Manager McGuinness Calls On ISPs To Control Piracy

Wendy Davis:
U2 manager Paul McGuinness has added his voice to those calling on Internet service providers to implement controversial anti-piracy measures, including filtering their networks and canceling the accounts of people who upload copyrighted music. In another proposal, he suggested that ISPs and record labels enter into a revenue-sharing partnership.

You idiot, don't you know piracy is Even Better Than the Real Thing??
You old dinosaur!! It's a good idea to prevent change. Let's also burn books and impede new ideas.
Good one! Instead of trying to block something you cannot control, how about thinking of better ways to do old things?

I can just picture this McGuinness character in his fancy office with his fancy things, materialistic greed and the desire to attain more. He has no idea what the freedom and joy of a good song can bring, or the added benefit of getting something for nothing.
Times have changed. A good enough musician will find ways to make a buck and it won't necessarily be through the selling of low quality digital content (go read the Future of Music). Musicians now have to work harder to get their songs out there and if that means sacrificing a few of those dollars so their music can be heard it isn't such a big deal.

And Paul, this is dedicated to you:

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Subway sues Quiznos over video contest

The New York Times: Sandwich chain Subway is alleging that rival Quiznos and Viacom's iFilm damaged its brand via a user-generated video contest. The lawsuit could determine whether marketers can be held liable for messages contained in content created by outsiders, according to this article.

Finally, some real controversy
It's taken a while, but finally 2008 has delivered.
I was thinking this story was completely harmless and there was no way Subway could win. That was until I read that Quiznos actually challenged their supporters to make an ad which demonstrated Quiznos' superiority over Subway!
That's a little bit excessive.

And from the poor victim involved:
"Quiznos led you to believe it was O.K. to do it...It’s like mudslinging, in a sense. Like politicians slinging mud back and forth at each other. I took it that it was all fair in business."
Poor guy. Interesting that he can't make up his own mind about whether something is ok or not. Also interesting that he thinks that Politicians slinging mud at each other is ok. Always a good solution to detract from your own problems and bring attention to someone else's.
And we're talking about products! Nothing special, not the end of the world. If Subway was smart, they would have done their own ad, destroying Quiznos. That would have been something exciting!

Spelling is a bit crap, but it brings the point across nicely.

Children learn the art of flattery around 4

A joint Canadian-Chinese study indicates that children learn to tell social lies around age four:
They asked a group of preschool children ages 3 to 6 to rate drawings by children and adults they knew, as well as strangers. The preschoolers judged the artwork both when the artist was present, and when he or she was absent. The three-year-olds were completely honest, and remained consistent in their ratings; it didn’t matter who drew it, or whether the person was in the room. Five- and six-year-olds gave more flattering ratings when the artist was in front of them. They flattered both strangers and those they knew (although familiar people got a higher dose of praise). Among the four-year-olds, half the group displayed flattery while the other half did not. This supports the idea that age four is a key transitional period in children’s social understanding of the world."

Being a constant outlier, most things have never really applied to me.
Cute. I like what is suggested:
"...adults flatter for two reasons. It can be to show gratitude for some positive action in the past. As well, when they’re meeting someone for first time – someone who may turn out to be important for their advancement down the road – flattery is also used as an investment for future favourable treatment from the person.”

This doesn't apply to me.
Most advertising people are full of shit. As most ad people have no idea what they're doing it makes more sense to them to offer flattery for that future advancement down the road (although advancement is exchangeable with rescue) .
A more discernible individual can smell BS accurately and flattery is really not even on the cards. Better to offer them up to the wolves than waste time beating around the bush.

Monday, January 28, 2008

Facebook Data Available To Third Party Sites

AllFacebook:
Facebook is extending its influence across the Web in a big way, by today allowing developers to create third-party programs outside of Facebook that tap into the company's social data pool. Apps developed using Facebook's API can now access the social network's features and its so-called "social graph" of user information from outside the site.

Holy hell FB! What are you doing???
This freaks me the most:
"Facebook has now implemented the ability to leverage cookies to access a user’s data even when they are not at your application"
Has the FB not learned anything? Or are they just trying their best at whoring themselves again to get into the press?
Maybe FB just wants to keep trying different crazy things and then the thing that they actually want is so minor it will just get through.

I don't care. This sounds very creepy. I'd like to migrate, but all my Luddite friends are on FB so I'm forced to stick with it.

Driven to be fat

SMH: Residents of fattest areas within NSW, Australia, blame lack of public transport for obesity.

I think the fat has gone to your brain!!
I have never heard of anything so ridiculous!
The public transport around here is really inadequate … we've had so many new freeways and motorways built out here that is just so easy to drive everywhere," Rebecca Stephenson, a long-time Hawkesbury resident, said.
Rebecca, fatty, you can't go around blaming highways for your fatness quotient.The fact that you have a car doesn't detract that you choose not to walk 200 metres down the road to get public transport!!

I'm sure you're wondering how my rant relates to advertising. Well, the complaints and the ridiculous scapegoating on innocent parties, or even the inanimate object, is rampant in the industry. If a fat person can blame her fatness on a road, ad people shouldn't blame their lack of sales on bad TV, the internet or anything else seemingly blameable.
If a campaign and strategy takes into account new trends and behaviours, there is no reason why the campaign shouldn't succeed.

So just like Rebecca should stop eating 17 hamburgers a day, ad people should stop putting their efforts in to the same old crap.

Monday, January 21, 2008

Athletes' New Game: Their Own Web Ads

Adam Thompson WSJ: Low-Budget spots put stars in control of their marketing
Two NBA athletes, Steve Nash of the Phoenix Suns and Chris Bosh of the Toronto Raptors are self-promoting. In an effort to win votes for the NBA All-Star Game, Bosh wrote and shot his own Web commercial in which he takes on the persona of a used-salesman to get fans to vote for him. The commercial, which he created with his girlfriend and his brother, has gained more than 376,000 views on YouTube.

Great, all we need - More ads!
Thank you celebrities. You don't already flood my world through places you shouldn't be in (ie the News). But now you decide to get your hot little hands on a camera and have a little foray in the self-promotion advertising arena.
The freedom of the internet is great, and let me massage your inflated ego too, you're great. But the internet can be so much more. Step up to the plate and don't be so second rate.

Ad spending will double, but what consumer cares?

Mark Walsh : Internet Ads Will More Than Double By 2011
Yankee Group forecasts that Internet advertising will more than double to $50.3 billion in 2011 from $21.7 billion last year, driven by technology investments that will boost online ad performance. While the size of the U.S. Internet audience will level off in the next few years, ad dollars have yet to catch up with the growth in online media consumption.

Good one Yankee Group, but it doesn't mean much when ads don't work!
It's great marketers are spending more online, following the wave of people and such. However, if we're placing most of the emphasis on banner ads, really, who gives a crap?? Consumers certainly don't and most marketers don't understand the other options out there.

What about spending more money online to create programs and benefits that consumers can tack on to the products they are already buying? Keep them loyal and such. Forget the 'new ad platforms', it's just the same shit, different smell.

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Oprah Harpo boom boom


Oh, Oprah, why do you have to heavily populate my life like a Starbucks on every corner?
This piece of news is everywhere. I haven't read one news page without it jumping out at me, uninvited.

I don't really get Oprah anyway. She clearly stands for stuff bubble and spice and all things nice but it/she gives me the heebie jeebies.
I mean what kind of sick individual has their photo on EVERY single cover of their magazine?? You don't see Elle* doing it.

It's not normal to be so "for the good of all people". I'm truly worried what wholesome shit will be on this channel.
How much self discovery can one person do? Isn't she tired yet? Isn't she exhausted of screaming in that weird baritone way when she gets all excited?

Well I'm sure I'll only have one use for her in the near future and that will be just like a Starbucks which always, ALWAYS pops up whenever I am need of the facilities (I don't really know what that means, but it's a nice tie in and I'm sure you can use your imagination).

*A very lame attempt at a joke which I will probably regret later.

You only need the first 5 seconds of this video to get the weird baritone thing

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Faceook's next victim - applications

c/o Trend Central: In response to user backlash against the overuse of applications cluttering profile pages, Facebook recently announced that a new profile clean-up tool will allow users to hide applications. While this is good news for Facebook users, it's not so good for application developers since the hiding of applications will decrease the chances of going viral.

Ha ha -The whore succumbs to public pressure
Facebook, you silly, silly wench.
I really have a love/hate relationship with you and I'm not sure why. Maybe it's because I know that secretly you want to make piles of money, but at the same time you want to be the "people's Facebook".
But this is very good, this anti application thing. It will make my Facebook experience a happier one. Now advertisers/widget makers have another hurdle to battle. Sucked in!

Video ads are planned for grocery carts

Yahoo News: ShopRite to offer smart carts this year
Microsoft Corp. will debut its new MediaCart technology in ShopRite supermarkets on the East Coast later this year. The new grocery carts will be equipped with a video console to help shoppers locate products in the store from an uploaded grocery list, as well as scan and pay for them from the cart.

OMG!! It's finally happening!
People have been talking about this for years. Good to see it finally getting into gear.
I wish smart carts the best of luck.

RIP radio?

SMH: Podcasting has changed the way we listen to the trannie and may even replace it, writes Andrew Bock.

10% of the population and you think that's mainstream??
What in the world is with news providers sensationalising stories?
In 3 countries I have recently been to, Canada (Good old Nova Scotia), USA (New York) and Australia (Sydney), the media (CBC, Channel 1 News and Channel 9 respectively) latches on to anything they can twist and manipulate into absolute sensationalised, irrational crap!
I'm not getting into it here, but this podcasting story has some elements of good to it, but it's mostly evil.
850,000 monthly downloads is a pretty good figure, 2 million is even better in a country of 20 million. I still think it's a long way off from killing radio.
What about all those talk radio stars? All the people who stay at home listening so that they can call up and talk to someone and complain about something which is a real non issue in real time?
Podcasts take away the live element and create a whole lot of DRM problems.
To say that podcasts will kill radio is silly. There is clearly a place for both.
And most definitely a place for someone to pen a one hit wonder "podcasting killed the video/radio star"

Friday, January 11, 2008

It's a blog-out

I'm lagging. Too much work, too much stuff to do. Here's a round up of what' s keeping me interested at the mo...

Joe Mandese: French Plan Likely To Reduce Supply Of TV Ad Time, Accelerate The Internet
The French media marketplace is bracing for a government plan to take advertising off the nation's state-owned TV channels, a move that is expected to erode TV's share of ad spending and accelerate the Internet's in a market that is the home of two of the ad industry's biggest agency holding companies.
Sweet! Go Frenchies
Who gives a crap about ad agencies! It's all about the consumer. I love how Europe knows this. Was it Germany that banned the iPhone alignment to one phone service provider?
I doubt anyone else outside of the Europe will go ahead with this one. They care too much about money and cash.

Tameka Kee: WatchMouse: Facebook is Worst-Performing Social Networking Site
Facebook earned the title of worst-performing social networking site in terms of user perception of speed and availability. MySpace scored a 923 and "loaded well and recorded few errors," but Twitter and Windows Live Spaces fared worse--with SPIs of 1476 and 1386, respectively
The whore makes it into the news again with nothing relevant at all.
Who the hell cares? What is this retarded score? How many errors does Windows have? People still use it.
Just another reason for Facebook to get into the press again for the 1,097th time this week.

Mark Walsh: Study: Mobile Subscribers Taking Note Of Ads
One in three U.S. mobile subscribers, or 78 million people, saw or listened to an ad on their cell phone during the last three months, according to a study by mobile entertainment company Limbo in partnership with Britain-based market research firm GfK NOP Research
Mmm, people are seeing and listening, but not acting!
That's right, people are noticing the ads just like TV. Just like the internet, just like Print. It doesn't mean they are going to do anything about it. That's because traditional advertising is largely ineffective.
It is great that people know where a brand advertised, but if it doesn't lead to purchase the whole campaign is a waste.
Furthermore, this data won't help in solving this huge mobile advertising issue that everyone is so keen on solving. Stop talking about how to solve mobile. That's not the right question in the first place.

AdAge.com: Kevin Federline Finally Finds Some Success
Britney's Ex Beats Out Jessica Simpson, Sheryl Crow for Most-Talked-About Super Bowl Ad-- Like chips and seven-layer dip, celebrity ads have become a Super Bowl staple. But marketers need more than a famous face to resonate with viewers -- they need buzz, according to new market research from Cymfony, a division of TNS Media Intelligence.
How is it, that of all people, K-Fed outgrew the shame and humiliation and came out on top?
This is a lesson for us all. If you go through a bad patch, come out the aftermath, then lay low.
Very low.
Then when things are starting to quiet down, don't take yourself too seriously. Poke a bit of fun at yourself.
This is where Britney went wrong. She started poking fun at herself (eg shaving her head, exposing her privates, etc), but she was still in the grieving period. As a result it just came out as depressed and insane.
K-Fed has done his grieving, his retrospection. He has emerged victorious.
I never thought I would say this, but I applaud you KFed.

Joe Mandese: Nielsen Gets Passive Aggressive: Asks Stations To Be More Active, Take Responsibility For Coding Snafus
Following a series of unusual and surprising glitches in its highly redundant and supposedly fool-proof television coding system, Nielsen Media Research Wednesday sent letters to U.S. TV stations asking for help to ensure there are no more snafus.
Neilsen?! What the hell is wrong with you? How do you even sell product??
Ratings aren't accurate in any case there are further inaccuracies with the system? You sell this dodgy data that is only a small proportion of the population and try to tell us it's a true reflection of the overall population. THEN you have errors in the tracking system so the data is even more defunct than it was before.......
Why are you still in business? Why do agencies keep paying you? I just don't get it.


And Coors are totally ripping off Doritos at the Superbowl. This comment indicates you should not get away with it.

I was trying to find that song "Freak out" but this turned up...much better!
What freaks!! Just like Nielsen and Coors.



The real song is here

Wednesday, January 9, 2008

Welcome back Kotter!

Wow, what a nice break.
Coming back, good to see all the news still has hints of notes with nothingness.

Good to see all these trends still floating around. Good to see the same people talking about everyone being unaware and unsure of what's going on around them. Good to see the 'what's going on' being the same stuff it has been for the last 2 or so years.
So, I've made it my mission to harness everything we know and really do something about it. It's time to properly change the face of advertising in today's world.
I'm leveraging the bullshit and going to make a difference.
See you there!