Marketing spiels by apparent experts, can often be embarrassing

i.e. Someone is about to get burned!

When you receive an email from your Ning group, it's more often than not, a spam attack!

"Hey friend,
When seeking the latest trends for your brand to follow, you should be checking out TrendPoo. TrendPoo is a user-generated directory that hooks you up with the best trendblogs to spot trends and inspirations in all genres- fashion, design, lifestyle, eco, tech, business / web and more.
Hope you find it useful, and if you do, please feel free to spread the word!
Also, if you’ve got any tips, don’t hesitate to forward me your insights.
Cheers"

It's not really called TrendPoo, I just called it that because that's what it feels like. You can see the poo here.

It's crafted so horribly. The worst is "dear Friend"! "Friend"!?! Don't you know my fucking name???? If you really want to connect, get rid of that horrid marketing speak, lose "you should be" and exchange it for my name (because you do have it, although I'm thinking 'dude' would also be ok).
If you want me to care, if you are wanting me to really take the time and like it, I want to feel special. You have a harder job because I really know how the system works and I expect more delight and surprise from ONE OF MY KIND. You actually used the phrase "user-generated" and the word "insights"! Seriously! You can't be serious!

Adding insult to injury, the horror continues when I got the identical garbage from your other Ning groups that you're also a member of. I doubt this person has graduated from an online marketing school. If they had, maybe they could have gotten something better like this:

"Hey dood,

How are you?? I hope work's not killing you like it is for me.
I just wanted you to know, a couple of mates and I put together this nice little site where you can get cool trend news in the one spot. Lovely! We decided it was time we made things a little easier for all.
We've got all the good stuff-fashion, design, lifestyle, eco, tech, business/web and more.

So come have a geezer AND if you have any suggestions or ways we could improve it to make it even better, feel free to let me know.
Oh- and you know what it's like, feel free to share the wealth!

Ta muchly"

Soft sell. No dramas and feels very personal.

I'm sorry author, but you really should know better.

Dell Moves To Protect Brand Name After Legal Ruling

by Laurie Sullivan: The Albany County (N.Y.) Supreme Court found that Dell deprived customers of technical support they either bought or were eligible for under warranty. The company failed to provide onsite repairs for contracts. They also required customers to wait for extended time on the phone without ultimately providing help.

Oh Dell. I think you've gone and done it now.
You were doing so well there for a second, but this is really pretty low. Leaving people hanging?! Basically telling people to get effed when they have a warranty?!! Wow....

The problem is most probably one of track back. The customer service staff have no care factor, demonstrated by their ass-hole-ness, and no pride in actually helping people. Which means they aren't happy with their jobs and ultimately filters back to the upper echelons.
You gotta have trickle down Dell. You need to make your support staff, who are your connection to the outside world, as happy as they can be. Little benefits do go a long way. Happy workers make good workers and if they care about the company they will ensure that the work they do for it is top notch. This is really customer service 101. I don't understand why it's so hard.

mmm...we really don't pay enough attention to the good things when we got 'em....

What Web users want

BBC: Web users are looking for very specific pieces of information, according to a report from Web usability expert Jakob Nielsen, and they don't show much patience for distractions. Nielsen said, "Web users have always been ruthless and now are even more so."

Somehow, understanding the internets has become close to, if not surpassing, brain surgery
'oly Shit!
Who would have thought? Faster internet speeds, uncluttered web environments and lowly click through rates all imply that people want what they want on the internet, when they want it, with no dallying allowed.
'oly Fuck!
AND the great Dr Nielsen mentions that search rules the web. Unbelievable.
I'm sure you'll find in next years report that filtering and appropriate tagging are just as, if not more important. The internet has demonstrated that team work and contribution equates to a better user environment.
Just remember you heard it here first and that I didn't need a PhD to work that one out.

Why the "mobile Internet" is a poor investment

Boing Boing: Joi Ito, a shrewd Japanese/American venture capitalist, has written a great little blog-post about why he's not so hot to invest in the "mobile Internet." Basically, when a heavily regulated, big stupid phone company controls your "internet," then your ability to innovate and do cool stuff and make money is entirely predicated on the regulator's or the stupid phone company's willingness to allow that to happen. So if you're making money by disrupting something that matters to the phone company or one of its entrenched partners, forget about it.

Yeah mobile companies. Stick that in your pie hole.
Mobile companies have a huge stranglehold on the growth of happy consumer voices across mobile phone airwaves. I cannot believe the ridiculousness of phone companies in the US and am still to decide who to choose as a supplier (it's been 8 months) based on the baseless lies I see in ad campaigns. I'm surprised that I'm surprised by their lies.

They make so much money and they have no problem generating huge profits either way. Why don't they just play nice and let everybody eat cake? Just as open platforms create better platforms, don't they realise that the happier the people are, the more they spend?

Teens open to giving their mobile digits to marketers

Los Angeles Times: Teens are receptive to receiving ads on their mobile phones, especially when the messages offer useful or entertaining information, along with the sales pitch, according to this article. "For them, responding to an ad that's relevant by sending a text or following a link on their phone is a logical brand engagement," said Nic Covey, director of insights at research firm Nielsen Mobile.

Hang on, Hang on. You can't blatantly twist a headline like that
What they really mean is that teens are open to receiving short, to the point information on their mobiles AND it has to be information that they want to know about.
Oh- should I mention that none of this really involves advertising? It all relates to magazines having mobile sites and mobile messaging/interactivity and, for some reason, PROMS! I'm sure there are banner ads involved, but really, no sane person wants a banner ad MMS! Don't insult me into trying to make me think that teens do either. P.S. don't give me BS about higher click through rates because most of those are mistakes due to poor navigational skills.

I don't understand why the media needs to twist and trick people into thinking that the old way of doing things must still permeate in the every day? Why? What's the point? Or are they trying to speak in a language that people are used to understanding? That doesn't really make sense, because they even confused me into thinking they were talking about something else.

Well, there was one small mention of teens receiving ACTUAL ads (the gaming and other stuff that brands have created for teens are good and brands should keep doing those. Yes. Applause). And what does the one kid say about the multitude of ad messaging he received when he signed up to something else:

"They were kind of stalking me," he said. "But then they stopped and I was glad."

How cute. But, pure genius.

Enjoy the prom

For Hall and Parker

"Your computer just got a whole lot sexier! This working mouse is shaped like a woman, and the "boobs" are waterball click buttons! The Sexy Mouse is compatible with Windows 2000/98/95, and includes left an right boobs - I mean buttons - scroll, and free zoom. Click away!"

Sex sells and these two love boobs..... .... ... although I think they missed a button.

Put any brand logo on the 'body' and you have a winner.

Link

Michael Eisner Sees Web's Future in Storytelling

SEATTLE (AdAge.com): Strong Content Also Needs Interactivity, Community. -- According to Michael Eisner, story-driven online content is the next big app. "YouTube is to the internet what a nickelodeon is to the movies. It's the preliminary instalment of what is to come," he said, speaking to advertisers and publishers at Microsoft's Advance '08 event. So what is to come? "Great, creative storytelling."

"YouTube is to the internet what a nickelodeon is to the movies" wtf does that even mean??
If they put that in a Mensa test no one would know what the hell they're talking about. I'm not sure I even understand what the point of the article is. Maybe it's just meant to confuse you into thinking it's something you don't understand. The article is full of words and phrases that have no meaning.
Synergy?
They go on about Synergy for a whole paragraph before they mention that there are all these divisions within Time Warner and no one talks to each other. Great. I'd say you better fix that shit up before you start saying nickelodeon is like YouTube!

Advertising as we knew it is doomed. When will people wake up??

I just filled out some survey for Harris Poll surveys.
It was for media peeps.
The questions were so wrong. They were trying to ascertain places that people were advertising in - eg mobile, online, tv blah blah; but there was no "other" option for things outside the box like custom made ad platforms. Again trying to fit an old methodology into a new dynamic.
It was very annoying. Very sad.
At the conclusion of the survey I got to see some results. This was the worst:

That 58.6% of media dinosaurs are the bane of this industry's future.
Snap out of it men! Because you are men- men in your neat little suits, with the handkerchief in the pocket and comb overs. I know you and your kind. The glory days are over. Embrace the challenges and stop ignoring reality.
And the change is definitely one with a coolness quotient. As John McCain said last night on The Daily Show - it's about reaching out to people as people. If he can embrace that as a politician, it really can't be that hard for advertisers.


oh...and thanks for the $20!

CEO Who Shared His Social Security Number In Ads Had ID Stolen

Charleston Gazette: Well, he asked for it. Literally. According to a class-action lawsuit filed in West Virginia last week, the CEO of ID theft prevention firm LifeLock-the same one who, in ubiquitous TV and print ads, displayed his Social Security number as a challenge to thieves who thought they could outwit his company's service-has had his ID stolen many, many times in the past year.
More than 20 driver's licenses have been issued in his name, and "his entire personal profile has been compromised to the extent that the birth date associated with his Social Security number is Nov. 2, 1940, which would [inaccurately] make Davis 67 years old," read the lawsuit.
The lawsuit alleges that the company is fraudulently claiming to be able to protect against crimes it cannot, as witnessed by the theft of Richard Todd Davis's identity.

Finally, the use of the word "literally" gets a rightful placement
Talk about really knowing how to screw up your business in the simplest way possible
What a retard.
I just feel more justified in my belief that anything companies declare in advertisements, is bogus. That burger you see in the commercial is never the one you would put down the hatch.
Why do they continue to purport their wares, spending millions of dollars on wasteful false advertising, when we all know the real truth?

Why do I continue to fight for this? This country is in a whirlpool of dogs chasing their own tails in categories ranging from petrol prices, environmental impact, healthcare, taxes, food prices and dvrs. It's never going to let up, it is a complete mess.

It all justifies that now is the time for the flying penis:


Video link via Sharenator.

Social media still searching for hit ad formula

Adweek: Social networks have adopted a trial-and-error strategy to develop ad practices that engage users, according to this article. Steve Jang, CMO of social network Imeem said, "We're branding the experience, not the content."

Hmmm, I wonder what's wrong with this picture?
AS the idiot savant piped up from the corner with the most obvious and crystal (as in clear) answer: Ads don't work on social networks, because people don't want to share or connect or engage with an ad. They want to be sociable and enjoy the voyeuristic nature that networks have to offer.

The problem with agencies and publishers today is that they miss that. They are trying to squash an old methodology into a new dynamic. It's not going to fit and maybe I should also just accept that in several aspects of my own life (take that as you like it).

This article is 3 pages long and it's just full of so much blah! I've also come to the conclusion that there is nothing in there. Maybe I should get excited and get ready for another idiot themed week.

"Sex" and marketing

AdAge: The summer movie "Sex and the City" based on the hit HBO show is proving to be a field day for marketing integrations. This article runs down the list of the film's marketing partners, detailing how brands appear in the movie. Advertising Age

It's a sitting duck
I've said it before and I'll say it again. It's gonna be a stinka, but everyone will be seeing it.
Good on these brands for taking the one thing that really has mass reach and using it.

Better than the Charlie Brown adult trumpet speak

The kind of reaction you get, when you walk into an agency these days and ask:
"So... what are you guys doing in the conversational arena? You got any social media initiatives in there? And are you thinking about your consumers as people? That's right I said people.
Huh?
Say what?"

Via flickr and Boing Boing

Starcom Breathes Oxygen Into Media Planning

ClickZ: Starcom Worldwide and its research and planning partner Strategic Oxygen are now using the digital channel to map engagement in cross-media campaigns.
Generally, such engagement mapping research focuses on digital media, but Strategic Oxygen builds media maps from roughly 40 online and offline media sources -- from TV to radio and RSS -- and measures how people connect those components together, says Michael Gale, Strategic Oxygen chief. "We track the way people consume complex information globally."
The purpose is to show advertisers how best to combine offline media with the online channel. "The more research and grounding we have...means we are not just looking at numbers, but understanding what's happening along the way," say Latha Sundaram, Starcom director.

Let's open with a song today, because if you're going to get it, what better way to get it than through song?

You know what Starcom, the title of the article is right. Breathing oxygen into something that's dead. Deader than a dead door nail. Deader than friendster!

The best part of the article are the nice buzz phrases which basically equate to same shit, different smell:

"Integrate or disintegrate" the need for companies to adopt new ways to speak to consumers. "Do it the way customers want it, and you're probably going to be successful,"
Nice one. I'd like to see that. I won't hold my breath

"Reverse osmosis" is the realization global leadership is not centered in the U.S. "An idea can truly generate anywhere in the world." Digital trends in particular start in Asia.
Yes, the world is not centered around the US. Actually more countries hate the US than appreciate it.

"Search is more than words" marks a need for a wider set of search marketing. "Just having the right word doesn't guarantee the right success," said Gale. "Some markets, forums, and blogs have become a secondary and interesting perspective on search, producing interactive journeys."
Yes, blogs, like this one, can be fairly intuitive.

Just don't spend too long looking at all the data, because the time it took you to discover these gems makes me worry at how long it will take you to perform a media buy.

I have a favourite Facebook app...who would have thunk it?!

Yes, it's true. I love my FB.
I especially love my Burn Alter Ego on FB.
It is this really great thing from Coke. And I mean really great. They work the shizz out of this Facebook app thing.

How it works is this (let's use bullets because I feel particularly lazy this evening)

• Burn is an energy drink from the Coca Cola
• The Burn app is an app where you arrange to go out all night with your other burn friends or randoms if you so wish
• The cool thing is you get to assign your outfit with your head on the body, your name (I'm debilicious) and choose your apartment decor. You can change this as often as you want. So it's your cooler than you alter ego.
  
• The even cooler thing is that the more you go out, the more stuff is unlocked for you to wear and redecorate your apartment with. So you keep coming back to unlock more and more stuff. This is probably a key element of why it is so fun and why I'm not yet bored.
  
• The best component is the blog and pictures from the day after your burn. The posts of what you did are always fucking crazy. I think I had some fun with a donkey one night and had a foam party in my pad another night. Another key element- being told your adventures and keeping the app fresh and appealing.
  
• The strangest thing may be going out with a random burn member and then that person may want to be Facebook friends after your evening. I've had a few of those. They weren't even put into FB purgatory with the other 36. They were ignored.

So do it. Go out with me one night. It is very fun.

Check out my pad and those legs! Sic!

Kick ass foam party. I think we had to turn away Beyonce and Jay-Z

Oz: Mars launch chocumentaries

B&T Australia: Mars use ‘chocumentaries’ for major Dove launch. Mars Snackfood will launch its biggest campaign of the year on Sunday to promote Dove chocolate, and has moved away from traditional confectionery advertising

OH MY GOD. Can we please call a spade, a spade!
This is not a step away from "traditional confectionery advertising", it's merely a new creative execution.
You can't convince yourself, Nicole McMillan, that you really are stepping away from the traditional. You're still doing TV ads and it clearly states it's the biggest campaign of the year for you guys. Which equates to spending a shitload on TV.

Ohh, Australia, you're so cute. You're almost there, I think you just need a bit more of the bullshit before you cross over to the other side.

Social networking wars

This is pretty good. And it gets really good when the other networks make an appearance- Friendster, then especially Second life and its avatar!!

This is dedicated to Georgie!

Via Current

Dove's 'Real Beauty' Pics Could Be Big Phonies

AdAge.com: Photo Retoucher Says He Improved Images in Controversial Campaign-- Dove's "real beauties" may not be so real after all, at least by the account of a renowned airbrush artist. In a May 12 profile in The New Yorker posted online, Pascal Dangin of New York's Box Studios is quoted as saying he extensively retouched photos used in the Campaign for Real Beauty, which, if true, could seriously undermine an effort that already has subjected Unilever to considerable consumer and activist backlash in recent months

Looks like the old ugly fat cat is out of the bag
How amusing. Really.
Before I even begin to laugh, I do acknowledge that the accidental arrangement of Ogilvy and Unilevers ad program changed the way people market today. Combining so many different social components into a movement rather than just selling a product, makes so much more sense in today's society.

The movement is not bogus- encouraging people to feel comfortable in their skin, giving young girls a chance to build their self esteem...it is a lovely initiative. And they tried and they took a massive leap. They moved a lot of those regular ad dollars to give something back to the people, over and above a tv program sponsorship. Just some things they couldn't pass up on- like the retouching and other BS.

It's a miracle they even got the whole campaign off the ground- with so many marketers sticking to what's safe and not even caring to venture out into this shit scary unknown, which to those in the know is the new and exciting.

We see it all the time- marketers going back to advertising of the 1940's- they need jingles, they need a face, they need a catchy slogan- and they ALWAYS need something old school to hold on to. i.e. The retouching.

Still the bottom line remains and no one has been able to answer that question definitively. Come on Unilever- cough up the results. If it really is successful, no one in the marketing world will give two shits about the retouching.

Speaking of which, apparently this is how it panned out:

Elephant man, big bum, peg leg, dog ugly, elongated arm and 3rd leg.

Click to enlarge!

Everything is so boring

Where's the controversy?
Where's the bullshit?

In the meantime, enjoy this.
Piggy and Peaches. You can't go wrong:

Nets Try to Get Fans to Go Where the Money Still Is: TV

AdAge: CW Will Use Contests to Lure Viewers to Couches Instead of Computers. The CW, the fledging network stitched together from the remains of UPN and the WB, is testing some new methods aimed at getting younger viewers to think of the boob tube -- not the computer screen -- as the place to go to see first-run fare

Networks, you really piss me off
A continuation from my previous post on the matter

Seriously. How dumb can you be??
Why would you want to end a good thing so you can focus all your energies on something with an end in sight?!
TV is on its last legs. DVRs will get cheaper, people will continue to miss ads and the value of the ad will continue to decrease. The only TV ad that's going anywhere is the one in a must see now, live, you cannot wait till tomorrow type show. Those are few and far between.

Instead of investing resources to find a solution to make the internet more lucrative (as that is where the future is, it does seem to be a no brainer), these gits are investing time and money into the stinker.

How could I forget the most important? It seems the networks did too...
PEOPLE!
People seem to want their TV online and if they are coming online, to the network site, isn't that a great place to entice them further? The possibilities are very exciting. And if you nut it out, you've got a great long term future worked out (that can keep adapting) before it's all too late.

Consumers Post To Web Due To Experience, Not Advertising

Karlene Lukovitz: Advertising and promotions, whether in traditional media or online, play only relatively small roles in driving consumers to post content about products and services. This is the somewhat humbling reality, according to survey data from Nielsen CGM/Homescan Buzzfacts.

This is a good little article
Very good.
I often see many agencies and ad execs trying to chuck in all these "sexy" and "Web 2.0" devices into an ad program, without really knowing what they're doing or what they mean.
I don't even know what "Web 2.0" means! It's just some buzzword that people throw around that sounds good and they use it because it's ambiguous and expect you to think it's ambiguous because they really have no fucking idea of what they are doing!

The biggest problem is that a lot of ad people forget that consumers are people. Why would anyone want to go all out for a brand?? There would have to be some pretty big motivation behind it- and the article is right- companies have to put in the hard yards with successful customer service (even reaching out when not needed) and a good quality product.

Do companies screw up because their thinking is backwards?
They have the outlook of

"How do we make consumers are spokespeople and get them to spread the good word?"

Instead of

"Our consumers have been so good to us. Why don't we service them more by shifting our ad dollars from wasteful TV campaigns, to creating platforms where consumers can receive even more value from us, for NOTHING"

Key takeaway from the article: "What are the keys to effectively leveraging CGM to build brand advocacy? Trust, authenticity, transparency, affirmation, listening and responsiveness"

I forsee calamity and suffering

The new Sex and the City movie is coming out soon.
We all know how successful the show was, even if towards the end there, the outfits became better than the writing.

But I know how this is going to pan out. I know how these decisions were made:

Studio execs: Let's make a Sex and the City movie. We're sure to make a bucketload. Women are just slaves to this show.

More studio execs: Yeah. Yeah. And it's not like we need a plot line or a real script, because people will see these 4 do anything as long as we have the Sex and the City title on it.

First Studio exec: Yeah, let's do it. We CAN'T go wrong!

And they're right. They won't go wrong. The movie will be so far fetched and the studio will make shitloads of money because women who love the Sex and the City ladies, will go in droves to see this thing.

It's actually like the 'Facebook drop'- you can't go out one night, anywhere, without hearing some tosser mention Facebook in a conversation. It used to be blogs. But now, you can't go anywhere without hearing some desperate woman say "Ohhhh, I can't wait to see the Sex and the City movie. It's going to be so fabulous."

Well I have news. It's not going to be fabulous, it's going to be horrendous and there is definitely one person who won't be seeing it till it's easily accessible on my television!

Tech execs try to sooth agency leaders

Adweek: Yahoo! President Sue Decker and Brian McAndrews, SVP, Microsoft Advertiser and Publisher Solutions, had a similar message for agency leaders gathered at the 4A's Leadership Conference: Agencies should not worry about large Web players muscling in on their turf. Decker said technology firms help traditional ad agencies by automating certain data-driven processes that "free up time and unleash the ability of the industry to go create great creative messages."

Thanks Sue. Thanks Brian. But I think you saving your own asses is the least of agency problems.
Pats on the back for everybody. So nice to see Yahoo and Microsoft band together in their little MicroHoo alliance.
Kind of a shame that it's all fluff, lollypop ladies and a mirage!

And guess what the lady Sue Decker said:

"We need to take the difficulty out of the process of finding the inventory, booking it, reconciling it, all sort of the boring parts of the industry -- we need to automate that. The reason we need to do that is to free up time and unleash the ability of the industry to go create great creative messages."

Hang on there Sue. What will happen to media buyers and planners? You just said you won't be taking anyones' turf.
And great creative messages? What? Where? And anyway, I don't want a 'great creative message'. I want an ad program that helps me as a consumer. Not some stupid 30 seconder, or a print ad I can't do nothing with.

Do I need to poke more holes?
I'm tired.

The whole thing reminds of the Bruno bait and switch; smoke and mirrors exercise.

P&G Lets Consumers Act as Media Planners

AAdAge.com -- The nation's largest advertiser is inviting consumers to weigh in on its controversial media decisions. Last week, Procter & Gamble set up an option on its main consumer toll-free line over whether it should stop sponsoring hip-hop programs on MTV and BET. This week, P&G set up a second toll-free option asking callers to register support or criticism of the "story line" on "As the World Turns," from P&G Productions, which featured fairly passionate kisses between daytime TV's only gay couple.

If Media planners hate planning, what makes you think consumers will want to do it too?
Unless they get free stuff, you're talking.
The gay issue is one thing- getting people to share their opinions to combat the arguments against the AFA. This is actually nice. Telling naysayers to get a life.

This other thing- asking consumers whether a show should be sponsored by a brand? Who cares? What difference does it make to the consumer?
And the consumers who don't watch these shows on MTV and BET won't see the sponsorship anyway.
I'm still confused, is there something i'm missing?

Click Me, Baby... One More Time

by Anne Zieger: The click is it - the thing that's everything. Or it has been. For almost a decade, performance marketers have placed so much importance on initial click-through rates that they've forgotten nearly everything else. That's not such a big surprise: After all, while marketers have countless other metrics at their disposal, the click is the most basic unit of reaction one can measure. But the click is really just the beginning.

Clicking is bullshit and the title of your article sux ballz!
If click mechanisms work for you, do it. But banner blindness, negligible click through rates and plain shit ads are sure signs that most marketers should do something different.

And my favourite quote in the article:

"But the reality is that there's a new generation of consumers who have little or no privacy expectations"

The Reality is???
No Privacy expectations????

What???!! I'd think not.
What planet are you from Anne?
With the rise of identity theft, paranoid parents and sensationalised news stories in the current day and age, another one we've seen right here -- I think it would become more of a concern.
You can't just throw around statements like that. Cut the crap. Please?

Nielsen Shifts From Counter Programming To Counter Terrorism

by Joe Mandese: People in the advertising business tend to take Nielsen data pretty seriously, but a top company executive Thursday disclosed that Nielsen data is now being used for purposes far more consequential than TV ratings or product research. It's being used to detect and counter terrorist attacks on the U.S. homeland.

Excellent way to cause concern over nada!
Read the article.
There is absolutely nothing in there about terrorism. It doesn't even make any sense. How can you track potential terrorist attacks through ratings?
Oh wait- I may bomb the sound stage where they film Two and a Half Men because that show is a fucking travesty and if I do happen to see it I have the urge to kill the person watching it, and, destroy the TV.

What does make a little bit of sense is the epidemic tracking, but even that is still contentious.

Nielsen, stop pulling shit and blowing smoke. Start doing what you're supposed to and make sure the ratings are accurate!

Social-media platform for consumer complaints

ClickZ: In an online survey by the Society for New Communications Research, 72% of respondents said they rely on blogs and social networks to scope out a company's reputation and gain feedback on customer service. Meanwhile, 59% of respondents said they use these forums to air complaints over poor experiences, although only around one-third of respondents said they believe companies take such online gripes to heart.

That's right, people are angry mother fuckers
Only recently have I noticed that people, when hidden behind a digital cloak of anonymity, really let it fly.
I've been seeing the comments on a client blog- certain individuals let any sense of rationality escape them and become these irate morons. They swear, and I'm talking real profanity. They have these ridiculous theories as to why something isn't the way it should be AND they have NO facts.
It almost becomes comedy, if it wasn't so shocking it would be. For other non-anonymous swearers out there who are taking the piss, this is when it's ok and does become comedy!

Do consumers need this outlet?? Are they angry at other things in general and let brands and products have it?? Do people need anger management against corporations? But, why in the first place, are they even this angry?

Some slut also gave it to me on my blog. The comment never got posted, but their attitude and anger towards me was frightening. Either I've done something to this person that I am completely oblivious to, or they are simply sick in the head with unnecessary jealousy.

This is probably what she looks like

CW pulls Gossip Girl from internet

YPulse: In a bid to increase TV ratings, CW has decided to air the show Gossip Girl, only on TV.

In the words of the cute child, could you fuck up anything more royally?
What is wrong with these networks?? They do something right and then they want to take it away, only so they can bump up the cost of their ad rates??
What about doing something that people actually care about?? Who in the hell watches ads on TV?
Instead of taking the easy way out, why don't they think how they can integrate advertising online, encourage their extremely savvy Internet audience to participate and try make money that way??!
It's hard work, creating something new is tough and if it's good it will pave the way for the next iteration.

Please excuse the chopped in half 3 year old, I don't have a legal quicktime converter, but seriously "wat up dawg?"

HOT NEW NEWS: IM Chat on the Facebook

I just opened up my Facebook to see this new addition:

HOLY HELL Facebook
I don't know if I like it yet. I mean, I go on Facebook to perve on everyone. I look at their photos, see who's written on their walls and look at their friend collections.
I don't want them to know when I'm online and chat to me. Facebook is more the medium whereby you can stay in touch with someone without really staying in touch. A beautiful thing in many ways.
I'll see how it goes, but I'm thinking it will be more of a hindrance.

Blockbuster Sued For Participating In Facebook's Beacon Program

by Wendy Davis: A Texas resident has filed a federal lawsuit against Blockbuster for participating in Facebook's Beacon program, which tells members about their friends' e-commerce activity. In the lawsuit, quietly filed last week, Dallas County resident Cathryn Elaine Harris claims that Blockbuster violated the federal Videotape Privacy Protection Act by sharing information about her movie rentals and sales with Facebook without first obtaining her written consent.

Blockbuster is too bloody smug
What were you thinking Blockbuster? You get hammered in the 80s and you think everything will be hunky dory now?
Even though the 80s was a decade that everyone would like to erase, laws, statutes and precedent still apply. i.e. You are up shit creek with no paddle!

Please listen to assisting blogpost music.

Why nerds rock the kasbah

My definition of a nerd is someone who is absolutely passionate and completely knowledgeable about any one topic. For example internet nerds, science nerds, music nerds and the list goes on. I think I'm a nerd. An ad nerd obsessed with the change in the marketing world.

I have developed the following theory about nerds:

If you look at the world today, you see society works in a way where there is a very small amount of the population who are extremely popular. Celebrities and the like. Take a look at this diagram:


Sitting in the middle perimeter are the try-hards. This is the greater part of the population who try to emulate the celebrities, for example Tila Tequila or any other derivation of a reality TV star. Come on, how many soul mates does she really need to find?
Some wannabes do better than others and this is where clusters of popular groups are formed, represented by the dark green circles.

On the outer perimeter is the nerd group. There are many different nerd roles, however for the purpose of this theory we will put them into the generic branding of "Nerd". This is the group with the greatest intelligence and as a result is shunned from the other two groups as too enthusiastic and ‘left of centre’.
Nerds are in control of popular culture. With their free range of ideas and novel methods of thinking- due to their passionate nature, they are often the drivers behind society's development. Feeding brilliance to the cool people.

Case in point – Bill Gates is a massive trillionaire and the founder of a giant evil company, who has earned respect from the common man. Then there is Stephen Colbert.
Stephen, a god of the intellectually banal. I think I am in love with this man. I laugh when his jokes aren’t funny and he’s so good his show is on twice a night! He is the King of all nerds and as a bonus, he’s stolen my heart.

Other K.A.(kick ass) nerds of excellent example:
George Costanza: This nerd is incredibly resourceful and admirable. From sleeping under his desk, to creating Vandelay industries. Resources are always limited but being able to achieve the maximum result from little is always a fun challenge.

Screech: The nerd from Saved by the Bell knew a whole lot about nothing. Useless facts can be extremely useful when trying to develop an ad campaign. Now he’s a sexy porn star.

Gareth: The unknowing risk taker and a genius in his own right. By creating random bizarre social experiments he has developed a great tool in cultivating creativity and new ideas, something creative peeps like to dabble in. And you may ask why take the risk? Well after calculating the probability of success, the chance of a social experiment working is actually incredibly high. I do pretty well in my nerd blog every day.


So why am I talking about nerds anyway? Because there is something about nerds and the benefits returned on their outlandish nerdish behaviours. The basis is that because they are already shunned from the larger community, they have nothing to lose by voicing new opinions. Their thinking is limitless because they can reach above and beyond the contemporary. They think if your mind can conceive it, than it is not impossible.

Nerdz rule and for fuck's sake, stop doing what all ad people expect of you. Challenge the status quo and believe in your inner nerd!

ohmygod

A freak crazed ex-wife lashes out on her ex husband on YouTube.
How about you read the prenup before you sign it.
Oh, and the no-sex thing. Well if you're that dumb, you don't deserve anything.

Would make a great show. Can't wait for the next instalment, plus vids from the daughter and husband.

Does Gen Y think it's OK to cheat?

Knowledge@W. P. Carey: Millennials -- workers younger than 31 -- grew up with "helicopter parents" and trophies for every game. They're bright and tech savvy, but also demand more validation and prefer rules that fit their own style. Barbara Keats, an associate professor of management at the W.P. Carey School of Business, wonders if their anything-to-get-ahead attitude also makes them more prone to cheat.

Not cheating, but I'd call it being more efficient
Oh, love those stereotypical labels.
Love it even more, when old farts try to suss out the elusive Gen Y.
Look lady, the truth is we know what we want and how to get it. We believe we can do it all. What's so wrong with that? We're hard workers, we'll get the job done (even if that means being extra resourceful), but we want to be rewarded and validated for our efforts.

The only downfall is the impatience.

Social Networks Still Not Advertiser-Friendly

GigaOm: In a memo to employees about the Yahoo saga, AOL CEO Randy Falco underlines the problem facing social networks.
Falco hits the nail on the head: social nets want marketers to foot the bill for content that's specifically tailored to an experience where the user is completely disengaged from marketing messages. Falco thinks that by combining Platform A and Bebo, AOL could fix the problem.. But lumping another company into AOL's portal and then using an ad network, even a highly targeted one, to serve it ads won't solve the social networking question. Someone still needs to come up with a way to make social networks more relevant for advertisers.

So what? Advertisers aren't number one, people are
Marketers and the digital world is so caught up in assessing what's right for advertisers that they keep forgetting about what the people need or want.
We're working with 3 entities: Advertiser, Publisher and Consumer. And both the advertiser and publisher are directing all their attention towards the consumer.

I don't get why these discussions miss out the main player? Because if you don't answer their needs, you simply won't get anywhere.

Why automated customer service is shit

In particular, Chase.

They send you on this infinite press this, press that loop and you can't even do anything else at the same time because you have to concentrate on listening to what numbers you want.
I always aim straight for a real person, but on Chase you can't even find it until you enter your choose your own adventure package and then your account code 6,000 times.
I wonder if there is a little automated number map website to get to the customer service area that you want, quickly?

The whole loop de loop also seems to be a tactic to make people appear that they're getting somewhere, but in fact they're killing time moving in the queue. You just speak to any person on the other end, regardless of what numbers you've pressed.

To add further insult, why do Southern people not understand my Australian accent? I tried to tell the woman that I speak English, what's the problem?
The lady, she was probably a bit of a smart ass, because responded with "What, you don't understand English?" Good one lady.

For the other ones that ask for verbal responses, I completely mouth off at them.
"No bitch, get me an operator"
I believe it can be quite entertaining.

What's wrong with all these companies? Customer service is a massive component in your product deliverable. By tricking consumers into thinking it's convenient, it isn't and you piss people off. And it doesn't save the corporation money because in the end I have to go into the physical branch and waste valuable time with a banker. And believe me, I'm going to spend as much time with them as possible!

Core reason why brands don't do the right thing on Facebook

Let's take a look at 2 examples of Facebook groups. One that works and one that doesn't:

Berocca Energy
My old agency in Australia put this little doozy together. Berocca is a vitamin drink, infamous for being a great hangover cure. You buy it in the supermarket and it ain't cheap.
Why this page sucks? They take themselves way too seriously with too much pack and product information. They even put pack shots in the photos!!
It's meant to be a page encouraging some competition, but the page has no added impact to the challenge and once you participate once in the group, there is no drive or reason to go back and participate again.
I can also guarantee that most of the 300 group members are from the agency or Bayer.

May look boring, but a very fun fizzy drink.

If the Pillsbury Doughboy had a facebook, I'd poke him 24/7
A fan group with 13,000 members. Just a fun cute site, enjoying the benefits that the doughboy has to offer. Nothing too crazy, nothing against the brand, just pure lighthearted fun.
There's lots of interaction and people are continually joining.

Look how cute he is. I'd also want to poke him 24/7.

Putting money where my mouth is
Spending time on any social network, particularly Facebook or mySpace, is a leisure activity. Do you need me to say that again?
LEISURE.

A user participates in these spaces to connect with friends/family, to socialise and simply to play.

Many brands fall down in these spaces (and can't get up) because they forget why consumers are there in the first place. This is why you’ll find consumer generated groups on Facebook are more successful than their official counterparts. They leave out the marketing spiel and cut to the fun and joy of why they love a brand.

U.S. digital shops look for talent overseas

Advertising Age:
U.S. digital agencies are recruiting more foreigners as a way to address a domestic talent shortage, as well as build staffs with diverse skill-sets. Hiring from an international pool can significantly increase the expense of recruiting, with one New York shop last year spending around $100,000 on immigration-related legal fees.

...and Immigration lawyers are making a bundle for filling out 3 forms with their eyes closed
Been there, done that! Twice!
One used a lawyer and spent an exorbitant fee on documents and masses of paperwork that nobody needed, for a visa that costs $150.
The other one, did it ourselves, wasted a bit of time messing with USCIS in the country and realised it's smarter to go to Canada. 2 days later, all sorted.

And you know why talent outside the country is better? Because they aren't insulated from the rest of the world.

Bloggers Beware

The New York Times: Full-time bloggers, who are often given incentives based on the number of page views they generate or the number of stories they write, put their health at risk due to the 24-hour demands of the profession. Being first to a story can generate a page view boon. Hence, bloggers rarely sleep, are addicted to coffee, are constantly connected to their computers. It uses the examples of tech bloggers Russell Shaw, who died of a heart attack two weeks ago, Marc Orchant, who died of a massive coronary, Om Malik, who nearly died of a heart attack in December, and TechCrunch creator Michael Arrington, who says: "At some point, I'll have a nervous breakdown and be admitted to the hospital, or something else will happen. This is not sustainable."

Some question the impartiality of the Times' article. The blogosphere isn't blogging itself to death. Sure, some bloggers work too hard trying to grow their company or make more money, but these are personal choices. Bloggers, like any professional, choose how hard they drive themselves. Truth is, there are many overworked people across a broad spectrum of professions. As Marc Andreesen says, let's not blame the bloggers for it. Many bloggers are overworked, but so are many advertising executives.

Blah blah blah
What's the definition of a stereotypical blogger- a computer nerd who stays at home all day, with white pasty skin, glasses, scraggly hair or bald, never getting out of their pyjamas or never even really going to bed and lives off and through the internet.
I don't succumb to that whole sick blogger culture- taking the laptop everywhere I go. Going to conferences and not even listening because I'm on the internet the entire time. Snickering about other bloggers because they're only B listers. It's such garbage.

Bloggers, how about you snap out of your fantasy land, get back to reality and maybe live a little healthier?

New EMI digital chief sounds off

paidContent.org: Douglas Merrill, the outgoing Google CIO who is taking up the newly created post of president of digital at record label EMI, talks about the challenges of his new position. "Artists want to create and they want to sell, fans want to experience those things," he said. "What's the role of the labels? I don't know."

Mmm, "TBD": sounds like someone has no idea
Music, music, it's what the people want. But, they want it unshackled, flowing and free.
Screw DRM free music. Listeners are going to be able to get that anyway, whether they pay for it or not. Where music labels make the bulk of the profit is no longer in CDs. It's in all the add ons.

Merrill says a whole lot of blah. Read it if you want, but you're wasting your time.

R U ready for SMS lingo in ads?

The Wall Street Journal: Top marketers are using the mobile text-messaging lingo popular with teens and twentysomethings in ad campaigns. Unilever's Degree deodorant has a campaign focused on "OMG! Moments" while an ad for McDonald's from Leo Burnett poses the question, "r u ready?"

OMG, I'm not and don't subject me to this uncouth crap
Suzanne Vranica, what the fuck is wrong with you?? You open your article with:

"OMG, ads r kewl!"

Are you serious? Ads are shit and a waste of time.
Especially ads which enforce text message lingo. Considering 'text message lingo', means it for text messages.
And whilst were here... Americans, text messages are for informational, quick updates. They are not intended to be used for conversational purposes. Eg "how are u?", replied with "good and u"?
Pick up the phone if you need a catch up, but if you want to tell me where I'm meeting you in 10, please oblige!

'Influencers' Possess Less Clout

by Gavin O'Malley: [Social Networks] In the world of social media, so-called "influencers" might have less clout than some marketers think. According to a new study from Canadian research firm Pollara, self-described social media users put far more trust in friends and family online than in popular bloggers, or strangers with 10,000 MySpace "friends."

What a retarded study!
I always understood "influencers" as those who have a direct impact on an individual. The influence is enforced due to:

• Their existing relationship
• The individual's reliance on the influencer's opinion
• And a group of people sharing a unified opinion, to become a voice of influence

It was never meant to be some random 'influence' due to massive blog hits.
Where's the common sense?
Blogger influence and trust, like any relationship, forms over time.
A user visits a blog once, they like it, so they return. Each and every time the relationship gets a little stronger. If the blogger says something the reader doesn't like, there would be a step back in the relationship.
But, as healthy relationships go, the reader will come to respect the blogger's opinion, whether against their own or not. Anyway, life would be boring if everyone had the same opinions and that's why comments are so handy.

No brainer.
Go spend your study money on something useful. Or next time, ask me whether the study is of any value.

Things I missed whilst Down Under

Being back, feels good.

I had a lovely time in Sydney. A little browner, a little wiser and feeling satiated from too much fun and more than enough alcohol!

I'm looking forward to some more advertising shenanigans and the like. So advertising idiots, please bring it on!!

Yahoo!/Reuters: Second Life founder: Virtual world safer than real one
The virtual world is taking steps to ensure its members' safety, and is probably more "policeable" than its real-world counterpart, according to Philip Rosedale, founder of virtual world Second Life, who appeared in person and as his avatar on Tuesday before a House panel. Rosedale and other virtual world experts sought to reassure the committee that terrorism and other problems of the real world would not infiltrate these alternate realities.

Second Life is a refuge to act out inappropriate 'real world' fantasies
I've heard some stories of female avatars being harassed, propositioned and a couple of rape attempts. Not cool.
I've also realised any avatar that looks like a freak of nature on the inside is just as much as freak on the outside. Those normal, are well, normal.
The terrorists attempts are funny. I think it's due to the fact that the attacks have been on advertising initiatives. Clear message on how consumers feel about that!
Don't parallel it to the rape and harassment scenarios. Those feel like sick and twisted men acting out fantasies. No one dies in the terrorist attacks.

But lucky for all of you I'm on the case. Always thinking about advertising, media and the digital space.

Chasing the Cheaters Who Undermine Online Research

AdAge.com: People who cheat on online surveys could soon find themselves -- or at least their computers -- on an industrywide digital blacklist of respondents who are undermining the $4 billion online-research industry.

Most research is BS anyway
I've been to focus groups, lots of them.
I'm registered with about 6 different companies, I know the cardinal rule of saying I don't work in marketing or journalism, AND I also know that I'm meant to say I haven't been to a focus group in the last 3 months.
Most other people with a brain know the rules too.

I've also been to focus groups and seen people be:

• Schizophrenic in answering questions, lead by different phrasing of the same question
• Saying what they aspire to be/do/want, not what they actually are/do/have.
• They are easily influenced by peers in the same group
• And they say what they think the moderator wants to hear.

There is some accuracy to focus groups, but for the most part, the whole thing is bogus. Online surveys are the best.
Click, click, click answer anything wherever the mouse falls.
I'm not a full time survey abuser, like I'm sure most of the people are who are referred to in this article. Those guys will be caught for sure.
The moderate abusers like me, we're the problem and there's probably more of us. How will they catch us??

How Older Pros Can Transition to Digital

Ad Age: Leslie Laredo - Media professionals, now hear this: It is time to walk the talk or take a walk.

Pull the other one
I love these articles. When I read the title and little blurb, I noticed myself smirk and think "this is going to be a fucking doozie".

It wasn't that much of a doozie, but the stink did reek.


Ad spend on digital doubles, triples, is raised to the 1000th power ....who gives a shit?
Consumers certainly don't and traditional styles of ad messaging no longer resonate. What you will begin to find is marketers paying premiums for the creative power within new ways of doing things. These new methods will actually connect with their customer in the customer's head space AND costs peanuts in terms of media spend.

Terminology et al
So 2007. It's not about knowing what all the buzzwords are. It's about knowing who your consumer is, what they want and how you hit their buttons.

With the right training and resources, the expertise of the dinosaur will win out.
Bull. Shit.
Again, not about learning all the cool tech crap that's going on now. The bottom line is whatever ad sheme you envision, whatever fantasy you dream up, you will be able to do accomplish it now or in the immediate future. Tech is moving so fast you can't teach someone what's happening now, because 3 weeks ago it was already over.
What all advertisers should be doing is learning how consumers have adapted, what has made them change, the things that get them excited now.
A newsflash- crappy ad banners or keeping up with the ad spend of your nearest competitor won't do it. Keeping ahead of your consumer will.

Verklin Keeps Media Panelists on Their Toes

Advertising Age: Aegis Media Americas CEO David Verklin challenged panelists at the AAAA Media Conference and Trade Show on whether the divide between digital and traditional media was a cause for organizational friction at media properties.

Subtext for: Media industry and all advertising is in the shit, but let's talk about it some more rather than do anything to fix it!
I don't know how many more of these joke conferences I can take!
I understand that people need to get away from the office for a bit, but instead of all these rubbish topics, can't we start making topics like:

• "If Verklin and Hendra did have a punch up, who would have won?"
• "Let's take some Lipitor and then row a boat to see what happens"
• "Do blogs really kill people?"
• "Poll: Will Nielsen ever get their act together?"
• "When will the bullshit stop?"
  

Imagine the great debates that would occur if we had conferences like this??
George- do you think we can host these topics at your conference?

Think Different: Maybe the Web's Not a Place to Stick Your Ads

AdAge: Matthew Creamer Asks Whether We're All Missing the Point When It Comes to the Internet - Should the internet be viewed as an ad medium, a place where brands pay for the privilege of being adjacent to content such as prime-time TV and glossy magazines -- those relics of the pre-blog days, when getting into the media game required infrastructure and distribution?

Matthew Creamer, are you wasting your time at AdAge?
Mr Creamer, you appear to be a sharp tool in the tool box. It's nice that you write this article, it's nice that you talk the talk, but I don't think it will be any time soon before people walk the walk.

You could compare this whole scenario to the music industry and record labels keeping a stranglehold of the way things were. Unfortunately, they are ignoring the fact that consumers aren't hanging around to listen to their dickhead antics and neither are the good music artists.

In our scenario, we have the marketers- all the text books and industry history teaches them what they should do, how consumers behave, how it all works. They ignore that it's all changed. They don't give a crap and it's because if their new campaign fails it's their ass on the line. One marketer once told me that they stick to the same old shit because if it fails they can just say "we'll, that's what we did last year". That sentence deserves a bashing in its own right, but for now it proves a point.

The point that advertising is its own giant ecosystem*. We have the ad providers, creatives, agencies and the marketers. All the cogs work together, people are used to the system - the marketer to the agency to the creative to the agency to the ad providers and all exchanging massive amounts of cash.
Here is a graph of the way things are:

We all know advertising as we know it is ass-up. Ad prices will go down because it's a whole load of bullshit, creatives and agencies who really get it will still be able to charge their premiums because they understand that consumers are in the power seat and you don't need vast amounts of money to get to them. You just need to speak their language and give them something that adds value to their lives.
This value doesn't have to be anything massive, it can be an emotional pull from interacting with a brand device or actually walking away with something for nothing.


It's not brain surgery, it is just advertising! If you get it, you get my twist-and-turn explanation, if you don't, use the graphs.

*ecosystem used here in a valid and logical fashion, i.e. a non wanker way.

Facebook Exec: Beacon Will Expand

Adweek: Facebook still sees ad system as Beacon for future growth Facebook's Beacon ad system will expand as users become more open to sharing information with their Facebook friends about their online activities that take place off the social network, according to outgoing chief revenue officer Owen Van Natta.

Ummm, you aren't pulling my leg
Beacon is and was shit.
Owen Van Natta, I'm glad you're leaving Facebook, because you have no idea, NONE:

What's more, Van Natta, who is leaving the company, said the uproar over Beacon was not really from users-
"It was really the press and people concerned about privacy" he said.

To even say that just shows how arrogant you really are AND how out of touch you are with your Facebook audience.

And yes Owen, often the press inflates issues to make them seem more dramatic and newsworthy, but in this instance they were actually reporting the truth.
I'd like to point you to a case with Blockbuster back in the late 80s. They also chose to publicise member information and were fined for their actions. I would think the precedent indicates Facebook erring on the wrong side of the law.

They seem to have not learned from their mistakes. You just don't know how to listen.

Hollywood Tests Tolerance For Ads With Online Video

The Washington Post: One of the key ad innovations at Hulu, the online video site developed collaboratively by NBC Universal and Fox, is allowing users to select which video ad will precede their programming. Jupiter Research analyst Bobby Tulsiani said: "It's one of the more aggressive moves we've seen. It's much more targeted than what you see on TV, where its hard to say if an ad actually got watched."

Hulu is the fucking bomb!
When I first got it, I watched Weekend at Bernies. Great movie.
The worst thing was when they took off all the episodes and movies and I was left with shitty clips.
That was bad.
I never went back.
But now, they're back in the game!
I'm yet to see what ads I get to choose, but it better not be that Hillshite Farm ad (and no, that is not a typo).

Nielsen offers free PreView

The Hollywood Reporter: New Nielsen report explores link between box office, online buzz Movies that gross $100 million or more are likely to have garnered more than their share of virtual ink from bloggers, according to Nielsen PreView.

Looks like someone at Nielsen just discovered word-of-mouth
Good one guys. What's next? Ratings that actually measure accurately? I don't think I could handle that too.

Digital Buyers Lament Ad-Buying Process, Seek Guidelines

Mediaweek/Adweek: Digital ad buyers want standards
Media buyers at an industry conference lamented a lack of standards for running online campaigns, suggesting that digital media adopt an open system to facilitate buys. Group M CEO Irwin Gottlieb said, "Take any 10 media plans and there will be five different ways they define Monday to Friday. We have to come up with standardized ways of defining data."

You can't make guidelines for the shittest campaigns, eva!
Ahh, media buyers, the best job in the industry. After seeing what they do, within 5 minutes you begin to understand why they get all the free shit they do.

What on earth are they seeking guidelines for? A monkey could do the stuff they do. Plus you still need the human check at the end (been there, done that and I can honestly admit I contemplated suicide several times).

Maybe it's not about the monkey. Perhaps it would be a good idea to wake up to the fact that a 0.2% click through rate is really not worth any investment. Maybe it's better to make a campaign that actually benefits people, instead of annoying them.
Furthermore, why would an industry want to automate something that only gets a 0.2% return on investment AND that's not even sales!!!

Garbage.

Fucking monkeys.