Look! Look what happens if you do what the ad says

Apparently if you take Gardasil you can:

• Play a sic drum sequence
• Have excellent soccer skills
• You can get a mobile camera phone and take pictures on highways
• You will be able to dance
• You can use scissors
• You can use a skipping rope without hurting yourself

From this ad:

• You can ride a horse
• Make a t-shirt saying "One Less" that jumps from your monitor to your hands
• Play baseball
• Run fast in a marathon
• Quilt (who the fuck wants to quilt?!)
• Be a dumb flag waver...

I want an inquest for this! Jarvik- get on the case!!!!
I've had my vaccine, I can't do any of this shit! I've always wanted to wave a flag around like an idiot who has a double chin.

When can I be One Less?!